No one ever calls me to simply drink coffee
by Ichigo to Hana
Summary: He's a genius. He's a criminal mastermind. He's a millionaire. And he has never been on a date before. Though, it's not a real date. After all he and Holly are best friends… On the other hand neither of them ever has been out to drink some coffee without having to save the fairy civilization either.


**8**

 **Hana:** Hey Ichigo, have you ever had the feeling someone calls you only, if he needs something from you?

 **Ichigo** : That's a sad though don't you think? It's like you are seen as an object… Why do you ask?

 **Hana** : Oh just because Artemis Fowl the second did mention it.

 **Ichigo** : You're right… He and Holly only communicate as long as there is an emergency. Maybe they should meet up just to relax and talk.

 **Hana** : Do you think it would be a good idea? It could be kind of awkward, as they both aren't experts with social behavior.

 **Ichigo** : That's putting it mildly. Artemis is taking everything literally and Holly has a short temper.

 **Hana** : I didn't want to say they are a social catastrophe, but… Oh well, that's what everyone would think. ^^ Anyway, let's go on with today's door. Shall we?

 **Ichigo** : Sure, let's open it.

 **Hana** : I don't own Artemis Fowl. And shouldn't forget to send a PM with the answer to today's riddle.

 **No one ever calls me to simply drink coffee**

Artemis Fowl the second brushed his black hair from his forehead. I have to cut it soon. It's already too long. He didn't like to be distracted by hair, as it was necessary for his type of business. However today he wasn't going to a meeting with a dangerous gangster boss or anything. Though that didn't mean today's companion was less dangerous. Captain Holly Short and Artemis had met under the most unfortunate and dangerous circumstances one could think of.

* * *

Artemis had only been twelve, when they first met. The perfect age to meet someone like Holly Short. Why? Because she was an elf and as a twelve year old, you are old enough to act quite self-determined, while on the other hand still being young enough to believe in magic. Artemis, the villain he was, wanted to make money out of it. The logical consequence was that he captured this elf… Only he got more than he expected. Mere months later he found himself teamed up with the same elf to save the world. And somewhere in between those countless adventures the two of them had, they became best friends… maybe even a tad bit more. Of course neither of them would ever admit that out loud. Not even to themselves.

* * *

And that's why Artemis, a human teenager, walked into a café of the fairies below the surface. He ducked his head as he passed the threshold of the café Holly had told him to meet. I'm glad I could convince Butler to stay behind. He has to feel claustrophobic, being the giant he is., Artemis shook himself. His bodyguard had always been more than a mere employee to him, however Artemis never thought too much about Butler's feelings until the giant one day died during one of their deals. Before Artemis had never bothered to ask about how Butler felt about it. The guard would either tell his boss or not, that's how they worked. Concentrate! Holly invited you to drink coffee with her. Usually that indicates there is something rotten in the state of Frond. They never call me to say 'hello'., Artemis reminded himself. Never not even once Holly had phoned him without a certain goal in mind. The only question was, if Artemis was willing to help or not. And that depends on the payment...

* * *

In the very back of the café sat a lone figure. Her short auburn hair combed out of her face, but still a bit tangled and not covering her pointed ears. Her eyes shone in the irritating different colours, Artemis still had to get used to. Hazel and ice blue stared at him. Especially the blue eye stood in stark contrast with her nut-brown skin.

Artemis walked towards her, brushing past the waitress and other guests he tended to ignore in favour of staring at her, already analysing his best friend's body language for any unusual signs. She is not really relaxed, but not in professional mode either. What is the matter?

While still analysing, Artemis had already reached the table. "Hello Arty", Holly greeted him. "Hello Holly", Artemis slid into the chair across from the LEP elf. "What do you need my help for?"

Holly blinked at him: "Excuse me?"

"You called me", Artemis furrowed his brows. "So what is the problem?"

Holly lowered her gaze to the table. "Actually there is no problem. You complained about how no one called you to just say 'hi' and I thought it was time for payback for all the times you helped us out. That's why I invited you to drink coffee with me…" Artemis stopped. What? There is no problem? No crisis they need my help with? She just wanted to see me?

"Well…", Artemis cleared his throat. "Now you did say 'hello'… What now?"

"I don't know. Maybe we could talk for a while?"

They stared at each other. The pale human boy and the tan elf. They blushed and looked away, only to secretly look back at each other a second later. Their hands clenched into fists lay on the table next to them. The air was thick with unspoken words. There seemed to be nothing to say between them.

A waitress came and brought the coffee; Holly seemed to have ordered before Artemis had arrived at the café. They thanked her, clamped their hands around the cups – and still didn't say anything to each other. Holly looked around herself, as if she was the first time in this café and needed to observe every detail of the decoration. Or as if there was going to be an attack every second. Artemis on the other hand stared intently into the black liquid between his white turned knuckles, keeping Holly in his peripheral vision.

It was awkward to just sit there and have nothing to talk about. Artemis and Holly knew each other pretty well, since they saved the world more than once and fled more than one danger together. But how do you talk to your best friend without an impending doomsday? What did you talk about on a normal date?

His brain worked as if he was meditating, giving Artemis several suggestions of how to commence this conversation. Only they all sounded odd and unnatural to the teenager. Seriously? The weather? Politics? Holly dislikes politics and economic themes… Furthermore it wasn't like him to chat away without a goal to achieve. He was the type of person you found in his lab, working and talking about science, complaining about how nobody understood them. Not in cafés with friends, discussing the latest sports results. The mere thought of that was ridiculous to him.

* * *

A thought struck his mind, which made Artemis smile to himself. Holly caught on, giving him a questioning look.

"Remember how we met?"

Holly snorted very unladylike: "It's hard to forget how it feels to be kidnapped by a human child. A child that has too much brains and creativity for his own good." For a second she turned into the elf, Holly had been shortly after her kidnapping, staring Artemis down with a fire evident in her eyes that could easily melt the pole caps. "You tried to make money out of me!"

Artemis lowered his gaze, but couldn't stop the smirk from spreading across his face. Oh how he missed those days back then. They had been enemies and fought more than once over the simplest of things with the one or other witty battle of words. It had been real fun, except for one thing… "We really did hate each other, didn't we?", he quietly mumbled.

Now it was Holly's turn to laugh. As she opened her eyes, they sparkled with barely hidden hilarity. "Hate?", she questioned him. "That's an understatement. I despised you!"

Artemis closed his eyes, remembering her angry face. Oh yeah. She showed it on more than one occasion… "Good old times", Artemis mumbled. This comment earned him a punch in the shoulder from across the table. "Ow!", Artemis rubbed his shoulder. "What was that for?"

"Good old times, Arty", the elf winked at him. Artemis rolled his eyes. Only his mother was officially allowed to call him by that nickname. However Holly had picked it up at some point and ever since then used it frequently. The boy at first had been irritated, but soon found out, he didn't care about it. Not as much as he should and even less with the time that passed and Holly still called him by his nickname.

"So what has happened since I have last been here?", Artemis took a sip of his coffee. Bah! Bitter! He would probably never understand how adults could drink this stuff.

"Oh you know", Holly leaned back in her chair. "The usual. Some little crimes solved, broke a few rules, fought against trolls, hunted down Mulch… As I said: The usual" The elf shrugged her shoulders casually, as if it was no big deal. But knowing Holly, Artemis concluded she had to have broken more than one rule. "Are you suspended?", he wanted to know. "I have time off work. Wing commander Vinyáya ordered me to do so. As a reward for the last time I saved the world."

"Ahem"

"Is something wrong?", Holly gave him her most innocent look. "Maybe you should go to the doctor's?" Artemis's glare intensified, resulting in a fit of laughter on Holly's side. "You shouldn't try to stare me down human.", she told him bluntly. "For one I withstood that vampire look of yours more than once. Additionally I know you don't mean it. Believe me, I know that much about you after all of our shared adventures and experiences."

An image flashed before Artemis's minds eye: He was lying on his back in the dust. He felt death edge closer. Then Holly leaned in – her lips touched his and healing magical sparks flew from her to him, their lips connected during the whole process. That was nothing special!, he tried to convince himself, though he felt his cheeks grow hot. A k-kiss between friends... Holly was confused because we travelled back in time and she was only a teenager then. It had nothing to do with me. I just happened to be around, as her hormones went rouge.

Nevertheless both of them blushed and didn't dare to look each other in the eye.

* * *

Holly turned her gaze away from Artemis, her cheeks feeling ready to catch fire. What did I just say? Did I really allude to that?, she asked herself in complete disbelieve. She had promised herself to never ever let that topic come up again. It was hard enough to keep Foaly from playing pranks on her because she had been out with Commander Kelp! Moreover Artemis was her best friend and nothing more. All those times, we've been in a life-threatening situation as we kissed – or just escaped one. It were my hormones… Nothing more.

Captain Holly Short took a deep breath. There was no way she would ruin her date with Artemis. They hadn't seen each other for so long. She dared to glance up at him without turning her head.

During the last couple years Artemis had grown considerably. He now stood over two heads taller than her. And it annoyed her to no end, as she already was short. Even compared to fairy standards. Had she been any other woman she would have enjoyed how men tended to try to help her out. But being the independent elf she was, Holly hated to be looked down upon.

Speaking of being looked down upon. Artemis was staring at her through his hair. He has to cut it soon. It's too long to not be distracting., Holly thought automatically. He can't let himself be distracted by his hair in his kind of business… Across from her the human teenager moved. Slowly Artemis shifted in his seat. The ink black hair fanned across his forehead, as his eyes locked on Holly with a gleam she couldn't quite interpret. Her heart sped up at the sight of it, her cheeks flushed again. Damn hormones!, the elf cursed. Why do they make him look so incredible handsome?!

"Holly?", Artemis voice was low. "Hm", Holly muttered absentminded. "You are staring at me", Artemis told her. At first Holly simply blinked at him. He had stared at her, then she stared back and now he was complaining about her staring at him? Holly searched her brain for a witty answer. "You stared first", she responded without thinking too hard. Wait what? Are we in primary school or what? That was dumb Holly. Really dumb.

However the human across from her blushed, which wasn't hard considering how pale he was. "I-I didn't stare", he stuttered. "I was merely observing"

"Me or what?"

"No! I was observing the café, just like Butler told me."

Holly raised one eyebrow: "Are you expecting someone or did you – which is way more likely – pull off something so illegal, the LEP is hunting you?" Artemis stared at his best friend completely shocked. "What?", was all he could say. Captain Short crossed her arms under her chest, closed her eyes in irritation with herself. Why did she burst like that? He had done nothing wrong… Except for staring at her and then telling her to top staring at him.

Artemis ran a hand through his hair. Once more Holly acknowledged, how it brushed against the skin above his eyes. "You have to cut it soon.", she told him matter-of-factly. "Otherwise it'll hinder you."

"I know", Artemis nodded his head. "But could you tell me, why you snapped at me for nothing?" Holly's temper spiked. I don't want to explain myself to him! "I'm sure your super brain already has a theory why I did snap at you. Though I did not snap at you."

"Actually I have, but that would mean you were embarrassed I did catch you while you were staring at me…"

"Oh shut up and eat a lolly or something Fowl"

"Holly, I still don't like sweets.", the boy informed his best friend calmly. "You of all people should know that."

* * *

Something was off about Holly. But Artemis couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. Ever since he stared at her and she started to stare back he felt this light flutter in the pit of his stomach. Mentally Artemis went through the things he had eaten the other day. There has to have been something unusual…

However he came up empty handed. The teenager had eaten nothing special. So it had to have other reasons. Maybe the coffee? No he had drunk coffee before and hadn't felt like this. No. It had to be something else. Artemis looked back at Holly. Her hair was tangled in a way Artemis felt the strange urge to tug it behind her pointed ears and her eyes sparkled with a fire, which caused his heart to stutter. Of course not literally, as a heart was an organ and therefore able to speak and stutter as well as an apple could tap dance.

The teenager sighed o himself. I will have to talk with Butler about it. I cannot afford to be ill. Not with the business at hand anyway.

"So, how is everyone?", Artemis finally asked. His best friend furrowed her brows. He rolled his eyes. "Isn't that what normal people would talk about in this situation?"

"It is. But neither you nor me are 'normal people'. Remember? We are saving the world more often than a dwarf washes himself in one century.", Holly told him. Artemis never had that sense of humour, however this was a very fitting slimily. "Isn't there some kind of law, that bans so much evil souls in a millennium?", Artemis wondered out loud. Holly smirked: "I doubt it. Otherwise we would have a problem, considering we have two Opals trapped in one time." The human returned the smirk with one of his own. "You know", Holly grinned at him. "One might really not be surprised, if you suddenly had vampire teeth growing from your gums. Smile and skin colour already match that image."

"Oh why thank you, Captain Short", Artemis gave her a mock bow. "I feel honoured to be considered a member of the family" Holly stared at him in shock: "Did you just make a joke?" Her best friend returned the stare. I am definitely ill. There is no other explanation. I never was the type to joke around. It is not in my blood to do so!

Suddenly Holly broke into a fit of laughter that caused half of the café to stare at them. "Artemis Fowl the second is joking. Either you're ill or the world is going to go down.", she told him as soon, as she calmed down enough to speak. "And I would prefer the first, as there wouldn't be the need of us to rescue the world from going nuts – again."

I am going to talk to Butler about it., Artemis promised himself. He will know what to do about this random joking and fluttery feelings. He looked up into the still smiling face of his best friend. She had propped her chin into one of her hands, her elbow resting on the table next to the coffee. "So you wanted to know, what everyone else is doing, right?", she asked unnecessarily. "Well, Mulch disappeared a while back from prison. They are looking for him around his usual hiding places."

"We both know they won't find him there.", Artemis interrupted. "He is either aboveground or in the darkest corner the LEP would never care to look into or hid in plain sight." Holly nodded in agreement. "Don't think I didn't tell them so. However, there is no evidence of him and somehow there were bigger tasks at hand than hunting down Mulch for the umpteenth time. Foaly is trying to find him aboveground by hacking his way into CCTV and other stuff. But, he's still working on it. And his wife is keeping all his attention limited to a certain point. She wants to redecorate their house. You know Foaly will most likely integrate some of his newest inventions into it. While Caballine will try to stop him from that, so she can enter the house as well without having to type in a security code more complex than Opal's plans for revenge."

Artemis smirked: "Foaly is clever enough to do so without Caballine noticing it even one bit. I give him that much credit."

"As long as none of those inventions goes rouge and we have to get it back into control I don't care what Foaly do in his free time-"

Something started to beep furiously. The elf pulled a small thing from her pocket, stared at it and groaned. "Now they don't even allow me to drink my coffee in peace!"

"What is it?"

"A troll is trotting around ten blocks down from here. I have to help get him out of the streets before he decides to redecorate the cityscape. Foaly would kill anyone, who touched his security cameras in the streets. See you Arty!"

And with that Captain Holly Short pulled out her uniform and helmet from underneath the table and jogged out of the café. Artemis watched her hair sway with her movements and her lean figure disappear into the street. He shook his head. I have to talk with Butler about it.

* * *

 **Riddle** : Which famous play is alluded to in this one shot?

Please solve the riddle via a PM so no one can cheat.

 _Also check out the other short stories we have uploaded so far. In order:_

 _1 The Lord of the kitchen_

 _2 The tale of the handsome commander_

 _3 Miroku's wish list_

 _4 Dream beaches_

 _5 How to not freeze to death_

 _6 Surpirse_ _surprise_

 _7 I'm going into town, Tomoe_


End file.
